Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
