He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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