My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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