3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
