The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
