Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
