just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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