I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
