hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
