This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
