So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
