i permit you to call me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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