I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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