I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
