Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want nice things and good sex
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
