allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was confusing and full of hummus
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
