Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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