can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
