I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
