Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
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MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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