He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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