Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
