Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
