you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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