chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They took my balls.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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