that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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