based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
