Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
