Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
