i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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