don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
