i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
