I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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