hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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