so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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