After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
