I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
