You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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