either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
