I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
