Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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