He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
