4 words: hood of his car
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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