(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
