Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
my liver is dry heaving
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
