remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
