I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
