I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
