haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
