Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
