shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
