You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
