Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
