Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
