Rock
Scissors
Fuck
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
