I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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