Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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