Don't you send me to vm
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
