He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
