you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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