i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
