i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
