I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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