i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
