Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just high enough for therapy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
