I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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