dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
